George Foreman’s Head Must Roll

Here’s the thing I hate about Costco. You have to find a parking space.  You have to maneuver around crowds of people waiting for the sample lady to finish cooking whatever she’s handing out. I call them the lunch crowd.  (You know who you are.)

Say it ain't so, Joe.

Say it ain’t so, Joe!

You have to stand on very long lines. You are going to need to rent a Pod or build an extension to your home to store whatever you have purchased because they only come in shrink-wrapped quantities of ten.

Ok maybe that’s more than one thing I hate, but the biggest thing I hate about Costco is that if you buy 10 things, It is going to cost you one hundred dollars because everything at Costco costs at least ten dollars per shrink-wrapped quantity of at least ten.

Of course, if you’re single like I am, you might never have to buy toilet paper again. Or olive oil. Or baked beans.

But you are going to spend at least One Hundred Dollars.

Whereas at the Dollar Store you can buy One Hundred Things for One Hundred Dollars. Plus tax.

So in thinking about starting my Cookie Empire, I chose to try my wings at the Dollar Store.

I bought flour and sugar, baking pans, spatulas, measuring cups, mixing bowls and rolling pins. Eggs and butter I bought at the local supermarket.


bakers delight at the dollar tree

I spent around $25 plus tax.

So far, so good.

I brought everything home, opened my cupboards and discovered that I needed to make room for all these new things that would begin the beginning of my Making A Country Living living.

Some things would have to go.

Now, if you are like a good many, perhaps even most Americans. there is a cupboard in your kitchen that is the designated graveyard of Small-Kitchen-Electrics-That-Sounded-Good-At-The-Time.

Yogurt makers. George Foreman Grills. Magic Bullet Mixers. Juicers.

Ronco. King of The Kitchen.

Ronco. King of The Kitchen.

Things that were supposed to make life as we know it, easier and healthier. All for $19.99 plus shipping and handling. As a bonus, they were always dishwasher safe. Phew!

You bought one, you used it once. Maybe a week.  Maybe two. But after awhile it would just sit on your counter and eventually you would start to feel guilty about not using them.  Or that might just be me.

But I don’t think so.

Soon, plastic cups of store-bought yogurt would start hurling themselves into my grocery cart.  Steaks and Margueritas were eaten at restaurants where they magically appeared at my table and the washing up was safely done by someone else.  I discovered that it would cost about $50 in fruits and vegetables to make one fresh glass of fruit or vegetable juice or fruit & vegetable juice.  (Don’t even get me started about Kale.)  Rotisserie chickens were available at a nominal charge from my local grocery store for $5.00 and they were available whenever I was hungry and in the mood for rotisserie chicken, which is not all that often. If I want a panini, well, to be honest, I use a brick from the backyard.

Labor saving small electric devices for your kitchen may save labor, but nothing saves labor more than having someone else make it for you. And clean up afterwards.

So out went the Yogurt Maker, The George Foreman Grill, The Magic Bullet Mixer, The Juicer.

They all went into a box that, also like many/most good Americans, went into the garage for some mythological Garage Sale some time in the very, very, very far and distant future. Or after you died to be sorted by the heirs to your estate and wind up in the garbage, at a thrift store or if sufficient time had passed, on Ebay.

But gone they would be. Banished from my kitchen.  All those once new and highly prized gadgets that I knew would change my life for the better, just like those commercials promised me. Forgotten like the french I learned in High School.

It’s not easy beginning an Empire.  Sometimes there is collateral damage.

Sorry George.



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