And we’re back!
So during the break, I went to have my hair cut at Supercuts. I know TV stars are supposed to have a hair stylist at their beck and call but it is New Year’s Day Observed and you have to give them a day off because it’s the nice thing to do and because they are usually standing behind you with a very sharp scissors. Besides, Supercuts gets the job done lickety split and I have no patience for sitting in any kind of chair for more than 5 minutes.
I was starving when I got back and eager to learn to cook Chorizo and Eggs, Well maybe not that eager. As a matter of fact, I was going to scrap this whole segment and go to my hole-in-the-world joint and pay the FREAKING $11 for them to cook it, serve it and wash the plate. Money well spent, when you are hungry.
But no. I started this segment and I was going to finish it. For you. Because I care. So I went to YouTube to find a great recipe that includes how to cook Chorizo, because all of the written recipes say to cook it until it is golden.
This stuff is red. Not red like hamburger meat. Hamburger meat can turn golden-ish. This stuff is never going to turn golden. So I needed a visual aide.
I found this fabulous video on YouTube.
I picked it because of the guy’s name. rodolfo becerra. Pretty Mexican sounding.
I just love the soundtrack! It’s sounds like it’s from 1970’s TV show! I gathered up all the ingredients and that’s when I hit road block #2.
The YouTube video clearly states and shows Rudolf chopping an onion. I had no onion. Impossible! There are at least 2 things I always have in my kitchen:
The other things I always have in my kitchen are:
- Olive Oil
But no. No onion. And I had just gotten back from having my hair cut and not going to my hole-in-the-wall restaurant to order some Chorizo and Eggs to eat, so I was not about to get back in the car & drive to the supermarket to get one onion. Not in this weather.
I was going to try to get away with using onion powder, but I was determined to make Chorizo and Eggs the authentic way. The way Rudolfo Beccera would make it, complete with a 1970’s TV show soundtrack in the background.
But without an onion, it didn’t seem possible – and now I was starving and desperate. And desperate times call for desperate solutions.
So I dug around in the refrigerator and found these things.
These are cream cheese wontons I took home from a New Year’s Eve Party at my friend Pam Levin & Brett Winn’s house.
Every year they have a Christmas Eve Party and because they are Jewish, they always bring in Chinese Food. It’s a tradition. But this year they went to Israel over Christmas so they held their party when they got back, but they still brought in Chinese Food. Which may or may not be traditional New Year’s Eve food.
Anyway, I popped these in my toaster oven and found some Hoisin Sauce my friend Kathryn Bishop gave me from her misadventures with a company called Blue Apron. So instead of delicious Chorizo and Eggs made with the help of YouTube Star Rudolfo Beccera, I wound up with this.
They were just as bad as they were on New Year’s Eve. Maybe worse, because anything that’s bad when it is first cooked, never gets any better when it is reheated. That is a law. Like taxes, death and gravity.
Maybe bad is too harsh a word. I love both Pam and Brett and their Christmas Eve party is one I look forward to every year. But what mystifies me and what really keeps me going back, is to find out if the Chinese Food is going to be any better than the last year.
And it never is.
And that is now a big part of the tradition of me going to their party. Except perhaps for next year, after they have read this and found out I think the Chinese Food they bring in year in and year out is not bad, but more or less tasteless.
Like there are a bunch of Mexicans or Irish in the kitchen. And they’re drunk.
I can’t blame Pam or Brett. My friend Kathryn Bishop also has found a Chinese Restaurant in her neighborhood which makes tasteless Chinese Food. But she likes all of her food bland and tasteless, which is also why I wound up with all of the spices that Blue Apron includes with the proteins, vegetables and starches they send to you to cook with. Why she even thought about trying Blue Apron is beyond me. The woman microwaves everything. Including toast. With Blue Apron you actually have to crack out a pan.
They are not alone. I also found a Chinese Food place that serves tasteless Chinese Food, but I know there are actually Chinese people in that kitchen because I saw them. We had gotten there early and they allowed us to come in and sit down while they readied the restaurant for opening. My friend Peter Lorber took me for my birthday. On Christmas Eve. And they were so nice to do that, I am not going to tell you what restaurant it is. But I’m not going back, either.
I think maybe it’s a generational thing. I think by the time the 4th or 5th generation is in the kitchen, they do not remember what their forefathers food should taste like anymore.
But I do. Because where I grew up in Glen Cove, NY we had a few Chinese Restaurants, but the one I loved the best was Fong’s, which was run by my friend Ellen Fong’s family. I’m not sure which relative was in the kitchen cooking, but they knew what they were doing and everything was delicious. I know Fong’s isn’t there any more. I think there is still a place called Uncle Dai’s. Uncle Dai may or may not be a relative of the Fong’s but it’s pretty good Chines Food. Or it was. I’m not sure. Maybe you better check YELP.
Now the reason I am telling you about all these people is that they are the cast members of my life. They are the Blue Apron spices of my life, except for maybe Pam and Brett, who most likely will never invite me to anything ever again. I can’t blame them.
These are my co-stars, the ones that run in and out of my life at various times, some at breakneck speed, some slamming doors, some leaving doors open, the ones I see or hear from every now and again, the ones from Facebook I’ve known my whole life and the ones from Facebook who I hardly know at all.
They are all very important to me and as Season Six progresses, I hope you come to know and love them as much as I do. Because in telling you my story during Season Six, I’m going to have to go back to Season 5 and 4 and maybe all the way back to the Pilot and tell you about them. So sit back and start taking notes, because I’m pretty sure at the end of Season Six, I may not have any of them left.
Anyway, I’m going to have to continue this segment after I go out and get an onion.
So don’t go away – we’ll be right back after a word from our Sponsors!
END PART TWO