So I get back from living in Florida. And by get back I mean I had to pack EVERYTHING up in the Pod. And by EVERYTHING I mean I had to get rid of a lot of stuff. Because before I moved to Florida I had been living in a small guest house in Tujunga. And by Guest House I mean an illegal converted garage. But now I had a big beautiful (and by beautiful I mean STUNNING) 2 bedroom house. So I had bought a lot of new things for my new big, beautiful house. And not all of it would fit back in the POD. So some of it had to go. And by some of it I mean A LOT of it.
But that’s another story for another episode.
When I got back to Los Angeles, I wound up living in a small trailer on the property of a good friend where my horse had returned to board.
Because along with packing up the big, beautiful house, I also had to pack up the car for the Auto Transporter, the dogs in their Airline Approved Travel Bags and the horse in the Big Horse Transport Bus.
When I called my friend Royan to see if there was room at her Peacock Hill Ranch for Shiloh to return to, she mentioned she had a small trailer available for me that one of the ranch hands had lived in. It was clean, she said, and it was a place to land. She said I could stay there as long as I needed to. With my 3 little Chihuahuas. The ranch hands would put up a fenced enclosure for them.
It was a very generous offer.
So I landed there, but before I did, I made the mistake of going on PINTEREST to look at life in a small trailer. I found a lot of wonderfully fun pins of cool, retro, renovated trailers people where now living in or traveling in. It all looked so romantic.
So I re-pinned some of those onto my board I called Los Angeles Redux and accepted her offer. But only one out of those two things she said turned out to be true.
You do not want to know what I found when I got there.
But I’m going to tell you anyway.
Because it was the beginning of How Gordon Ramsay Saved My Life.
The trailer was not clean. It might have been ranch hand clean, but it was far from woman with 3 Chihuahuas clean. As a matter of fact, it was uninhabitable. Unless I guess, you are a ranch hand. And blind.
Comet, Windex, Ammonia, Pine-Sol, Bathroom Scrub, sponges, brushes, trash bags, Ajax, Lysol, Clorox, Toilet Bowl Cleaner, paper towels, Foaming Bathroom Cleaner, Non-Foaming Bathroom Cleaner, TSP, CLR, Dawn Dish Liquid, Wet Swiffers, Dry Swiffers, Rubber Gloves, Febreeze. Cleaning supplies in Spanish that had pictures of lambs on them.
The cashier just kept ringing all that stuff up. She never made eye contact with either of us. Not once. If it were me, I would’ve called the police right after we left, because save a large Rubbermaid Tub and a couple of shovels, the whole transaction seemed pretty suspicious.
And back we drove to the tiny trailer and dragged all the bags from the Dollar Store to the trailer and opened the door. And looked at each other and laughed. Because if we didn’t, I would have sat down and cried. Oh hell, I did that anyway.
There was just no amount of cleaning supplies from the Dollar Store that was going to make that trailer habitable. Not 100 dollars. Not 1000 dollars. Not 10000 dollars.
And no pin on Pinterest was going to convince me that could happen.
So I went home to stay the night at Kathryn’s with my 3 little Chihuahuas and spent the next 8 hours calling every cleaning service in the area I could find. And by cleaning service, I mean the kind that clean up crime scenes. Which I suspect the cashier at the Dollar Store thought we were trying to do. I know I would have.
By 5am the next morning, after leaving countless messages for countless National and Local cleaning services, I found a local service that would come at Dawn’s Early Light.
It took 4 grown adults 8 hours with power equipment to get that trailer cleaned. And they never took a break. They ate as they cleaned. They never sat down. They never stopped. Not for one moment.
They cleaned the floors and they cleaned the walls and they cleaned the ceilings and they cleaned the windows on the inside and they cleaned the windows on the outside and they cleaned the uncleanable plastic skylights on the inside and climbed on the roof of the trailer to clean the plastic skylights on the outside. They cleaned inside every single cabinet – and there are a lot of cabinets in a travel trailer and they cleaned the outside of the cabinets. They cleaned the bathroom and they cleaned the kitchen and they cleaned the area that could be called a bedroom but which is really an area that had a slab of plywood with a very thin mattress contained by some kind of plastic folding door. And they cleaned the plastic folding door.
They cleaned every single nook and cranny.
And as the sun started to set, they were finished. And it was spotless.
And it had only cost me $600 dollars, including tip. And I tipped them well. Mostly because I was so embarrassed at the amount of work they had to do but mostly because they did it. I would have taken one look and gone running out of there. As a matter of fact, that’s what I did. I would have paid double.
I am forever grateful to them. They are called MASTER CLEANING SERVICES and the phone number is 323-833-6282. And they are truly Masters. And Angels. I am forever grateful to them.
And so I moved in that very night. With my 3 Chihuahuas.
And that very night, I started to pray. To Gordon Ramsay.
And he answered my prayers.
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END PART ONE